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I’m in the mood for love…

by on October 27, 2013

This might come as a surprise to many of my regular readers here, but I am going to be a participant exhibitor at The Bedford Festival of Romance on 9/10 November, courtesy of a politely worded request from my publisher. Actually, it was more along the lines of ‘Drag your sorry ass over here, you &^%$*!’ but we’ll gloss over that part of the conversation. I have tended subsequently to the conclusion that Will & Kim were indulging in their occasionally wicked sense of humour by wanting me to attend.

Let’s see: music is the food of love. Bill Shakespoke said that, didn’t he? Unless it was someone else, of course. But let’s look at the lyrics in some of my favourite music shall we? ‘I’m so goddam lonely’ – Sloe Gin by Joe Bonamassa. ‘I found out the hard way that love’s no friend of mine’ – Still got the Blues by Gary Moore. ‘You’ll go back to her and I’ll go back to black’ – Amy Winehouse. ‘Aint I rough enough, aint I rich enough, I’m not too blind to see’ Beast of Burden by The Rolling Stones. ‘Been dazed and confused for so long it’s not true, wanted a woman – never bargained for you’ – Led Zep. ‘I got a woman, mean as she can be’ -Mean Woman Blues by, oh, almost anyone who sings the blues. Even Elvis. There’s a pattern here, isn’t there? And sweet romance isn’t part of it…

And even the lyric I nicked this week for the title has, for me, other connotations. Have you ever listened to the Billy Connelly routine, Sexie Sadie & the Lovely Raquel? If not, find it on you tube.* I used to play it in my car sometimes, but had to stop after my laughter made my driving even more dangerous. For those too lazy to look it up, Billy mimics a poor Glaswegian singing that lyric whilst blowing up his inflatable woman sex toy. You will never listen to the otherwise saccharine rubbish I the same way again.

If you are clever enough to have bought any of my work, you will know that it is just full of warm love stories. I quote:
“You must have loved her once.”
“Yes, but once was enough.”

“She swept me off my feet.”
“Shouldn’t you have swept her?”
“Are you kidding? I’d have needed a forklift!”

“I’ve got this romance stuff figured out.”
“But you are single!”
“Yes. I said I’d got it figured out, didn’t I?”

“I’m very upset with him. Since I said I wasn’t going out with him,
he hasn’t asked me out!”

I suppose I could be there to be the anti-romance writer the others are going to gang up on. So I’m not going to be at the evening ball. In case they were planning to use me as the ball in a five aside contest at half time. But if you fancy helping alleviate my distress, I’ll be in a pub in Bedford on the Saturday evening. You’ll spot me from the bruises, I expect.

Finally, I did something unusual the other day and used my blog to repost a review of The Satnav of Doom by Fantastical Imaginations. It is the post before this one. Dominick told me that even his wife laughed at some of the gags, so he’d better watch out is all I can say. But that post was actually the 100th post on my blog. Which just reinforces what my characters say. ‘Will someone please buy the damn books and shut him up?’

Here’s to Bedford. I’m taking my tin hat.

*For those too lazy to look, follow this link:

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3 Comments
  1. I’m just shocked that you didn’t mention http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXqQh7Y30eg !

  2. willatsafkhet permalink

    That’s a terrible thing to say, Will. I would never say “Drag your sorry ass over here, you &^%$*!”

    I would use an entirely different cuss word.

    Besides, I promised I’d buy you a drink on company funds. Did you not get the memo?

  3. Missed the memo, Will. Mybad. What are champagne cocktails like?

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