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Dwarf Rocks Interviews : Haemar!

by on September 14, 2011

 

 

EXCLUSIVE!

Dwarf Rocks Magazine interviews Haemar, lead singer of The Banned Underground

Image by S Dogra

 

 

This week, as part of the start of this series, we have secured an interview with Haemar, the charismatic lead singer of The Banned Underground. We caught up with Haemar at his barber. It wasn’t that easy, by the way; he might be a dwarf, but moves like greased lightning if he thinks anyone’s after him. He was having a beard trim before the gig the following evening, and DR took the chance for a few words.

 

DR            Haemar, it’s good to catch up with you at last.

 

Haemar            Why, do I owe yer money?

 

DR            (laughs) Of course not; I’m here from Dwarf Rocks, for a quick interview, as you promised me last week at the after gig party.

 

Haemar            Sorry, must have slipped me mind. Will this take long? Only Bert here, the barber, he’s an artist yer know.

 

DR      Yes, I know. I watched him at the bar at the party last week. Haemar, what’s it like to be the front man for a famous band, The Banned Underground?

 

Haemar            Well, someone’s got to do it. An’ I’m the only one who can sing in tune.

 

DR      How do you handle the attention?

 

Haemar            I’m a pretty private person really. So, when I’m not on stage, I dress different.

 

DR      In what way? You’re still wearing the same chainmail I saw on you last week.

 

Haemar            So? It’s hardwearing stuff. No, when I’m on stage, I have my scarf wrapped around me wrist. See? It’s amazin’, without that, no one recognizes me.

 

Bert The Barber            That Ned from the Accountant’s recognized yer yesterday. Yer ran in here ter get away from ‘im.

 

Haemar            Shut it. The scarf’s not just a trademark fer me, but a disguise, too.

 

DR      When did you first discover you could sing?

 

Haemar            It were in here, in fact. Bert’s even got a small plaque on the wall, over there. Where me dad dropped his pickaxe on me foot, that time. Me voice just broke right through the register.

 

Bert the Barber            Not just yer voice, were it. I had ter trap yer hand in the register as well, or the takings would have been gone.

 

Haemar            Yeah, I recall. Well, me voice went on upwards, an’ outwards, and I’ve been a singer ever since.

 

DR      Do you feel different, in yourself, when you perform?

 

Haemar            <reply deleted>

 

DR      Sorry, I meant, when you perform on the stage?

 

Haemar            Yes, of course. I’m more alive. The lights, the roar of the crowd cheering, the sound of Scar checking the takings, it’s a real buzz yer know? You get really high on the adrenaline.

 

DR      That is legal isn’t it? You can’t get busted for that?

 

Haemar            Nah, it’s natural. Like whisky, or beer.

 

DR      You sing blues and rock ‘n’ roll. Isn’t it a bit unusual to find dwarfs singing the blues?

 

Haemar            Course not. The blues is all about loss, deprivation, sorrow. And you get all of those down the Dwarf Halls when the beer and pizza run out.

 

DR      The Banned Underground is one of the best rock ‘n’ roll bands performing live. Do you rehearse much?

 

Haemar            Well, we used to. But when GG got out of jail and rejoined the band, we just got so tight that rehearsal was pointless.

 

DR      You all bonded so well, musically?

 

Haemar            No, we were too drunk. Look, Bert’s about finished, I’m gonna split.

 

Bert the Barber            If you eat any more of those burgers, you probably will. That’s four this lunchtime!

 

DR            Haemar, thank you for your time. We’ll see you tomorrow at the gig. Is it true that it’s being recorded for a live CD?

 

Haemar            Yes, so no yelling rude stuff into the mikes, or we’ll send Felldyke round ter sort yer out.

 

DR      With that, the lead singer of The Banned Underground slipped out of the back door of the barbershop, and vanished round the corner.

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One Comment
  1. willatsafkhet permalink

    News Flash: With groupies following in a mad rush for autographs, Haemar was last seen heading into Falgrid’s All-You-Can-Eat Pizza parlor and is allegedly hiding out in the vegetable cooler (also allegedly where they store the ale).

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